The Top 2 Regrets

Recently, I've been listening to sermons from a pastor in Atlanta named Andy Stanley. The current series he is speaking on is called "Breathing Room." Its purpose is to address the hustle and bustle of our lives, and how important it is for us to slow down to breathe and create some space. The most recent message I heard was centered on Psalm 90. In this Psalm, Moses speaks about having our days numbered: "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:12). Andy goes on to talk about how most people live as though their days aren't numbered. That there is an infinite essence to their life. Most people feel as though they're invincible. But then he brings in a brilliant resource in order for people to get a glimpse at the lives of those who know their days are numbered.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spends most of her time with people who are in the last 12 weeks of their life. She asks them a number of questions, one of which is "what do you regret the most about your life?" Bronnie discovered a very consistent pattern that she began write them down. Eventually this book became known as "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying." (Link to purchase book below). What Andy Stanley does using these regrets are to bring his audience to the point where their days are indeed numbered. I found this information to be so insightful and eye opening that I could not pass up sharing it with you. There are five regrets but I want to talk about the top two.

My prayer is that this information will help you to slow down, breathe, and begin to rearrange your life in a way that matters.

Here are the top two regrets of those who are dying:

#2 Regret - I Wish I Hadn't Worked So Hard

We live in a country filled with hard working people. Where people have to work to pay the bills. A place where responsibility is branded into us through early mornings and long hours. Where we have to skip our children's events in order to put food on their table. Where we forgo marriage because our business is so successful and we can't cut back hours. Yet despite all of this, this was the #2 most regrettable thing in someone's life.

Here is a quote from Bronnie Ware's book on this regret:

"This came from every male patient that I had nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

As a new father and a husband of almost 5 years, this scares me. This causes me to examine where I am with how I spend time at work. Because I don't want to get to the end of my life and say I spent most of my time on things that ultimately didn't matter. 

So the question you should ask yourself is: How am I spending my time?

Manage your time towards things that matter where there'd ultimately be no regret.

#1 Regret - I Wish I'd Had The Courage To Live A Life True To Myself, Not The Life Others Expected of Me.

This is the NUMBER ONE regret of those who are dying. It seems as though people spend their lives being what and being who someone else wants them to be. If we don't live up to someone else standards, then we're nothing and nobody. Outside of living a life true to themselves, notice that they wish they had the courage to do it. To need courage is to be in FEAR. Courage is the opposite of fear. Where there is courage, there is no fear. Maybe we live this way because we're afraid we're going to fail their expectation. 

Here is a quote from Bronnie Ware on the number one regret:

"This is the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look clearly back on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their own dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom few realize, until they no longer have it."

Stop spending your life being someone else and/or being what someone else wants you to be. Your fear will only cripple you to being yourself and living your dreams. Your fear tells you "I won't be good enough for them" or "they'll be ashamed of me" or "they won't love me unless I..." I am sorry if there are people in your life that cast this kind of fear on you and paralyze you to pursue the life you desire to live. 

Allow me to say this in closing. There is a God that exists that has a life so abundant and so extraordinary waiting for you. He wants to call you to Himself that you could change the world. And WHEN you fail or falter, He will simply smile and ask you to get back up again and keep going. Jesus on the cross has already achieved the victory for us so we can then be free to fail. God won't love you less. God won't be ashamed of you. God doesn't want you to be "good enough." He wants you to be YOU. You are the best You we've got, so be that person. Someone so unique and different that we need someone like you. God created you with a purpose and He's waiting to show you what that is.

Don't Live Your Life In Regret. Start NOW to make the right things important AND to be YOURSELF in the process.

_________________________________________________

Bronnie Ware Book: http://www.amazon.com/Top-Five-Regrets-Dying-Transformed/dp/140194065X

Andy Stanley Message: http://www.northpoint.org/messages/breathing-room

Hope For Marriage

It's exciting to think that Amber and I are coming up on our fifth year of marriage! What a wonderful five years it has been. Now, I know that five years of marriage is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to length of marriage, but nonetheless that's not to say Amber and I haven't learned anything from these almost five years. We've learn how hard marriage is. We've learned that sacrifice is necessary and essential to growth in marriage. We've comprehended the enormous need for compromise in order to further each other in our character, our personalities, and our capacities to be the best spouses we can be. The beautiful thing is that the hard and challenging times have caused our marriage to be strengthened; where otherwise had we ignored those tough moments, we'd be filled with bitterness and resentfulness.

Today, I just want to share a couple ideas with you that have struck me lately. These are things that I know have helped my marriage and many other marriages. Maybe today you're wrestling in your marriage, not sure where it's going or if there is any hope of reviving it. I believe in Christ, nothing is beyond hope, nothing is beyond redemption, and nothing is beyond repairing. Paul says in Philippians 1:6 that "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Those in Christ have been invested in by God and no matter what it takes, God will work in believers to chip away what's infectious in order to leave what's healthy behind, even if it's painful to remove it.

So what does this have to do with marriage? Everything. Much like God's relationship with those in Christ, our marriages reflect to some capacity the same kind of relationship. We grow when we're challenged, we learn when we're willing, when (like God) we can see the potential in our spouses we will become more willing invest in our marriages. I want to briefly discuss three things: Envisioning The Investment, The Grass Is Greener Where It's Watered, and The "Better Someone" Is Your Spouse. 

I hope these three brief ideas add some hope to your marriage.

Envisioning The Investment

One of my favorite TV shows is Property Brothers on HGTV. There's just something about watching two guys brilliant take something so beat up and old, re-imagine the space, and create something so breathtaking. If you're not familiar with the show, here is the general plot: There are two twin brothers, one is a realtor, the other a contractor. Their goal is take people into a house they can't afford but with all the updates they desire. Then they turn them toward the idea of buying a house on the lower end of the buyers budget and then use the remaining budget to put in the updates they desire. After the Brothers show buyers a couple houses they bring them to two choices. They set up a meeting to show them the potential updates that could be added to both homes. Ten times out of ten the buyers are skeptical of what the brothers can actually do. When they originally went through the house things are either dirty, broken, and seemingly beyond repair. Their is nothing in the house that would make them want to invest in it. But then comes the moment where the Brothers show them what could be... and naturally they are always blown away. They usually say things like "no way" or "that could be in our house?" The moment they see the potential of what could be is the same moment they practically throw their time, energy, motivation, and money at the Brothers. When they see what could be, their is no question the investment is worth their resources.

If only people were shown what the marriage could be, then they'd say "no way" or "that could be our marriage?" When you envision the potential of what your marriage could become and know that the renovation of it could be spectacular, then you'd see it would be worth your time, energy, effort, and sometimes money. The problem that people have is that they expect too much of marriage too soon. To quote Kathy Keller who says "when people are looking for a spouse, they are looking for a finished statue when they should be looking for a wonderful block of marble. Not so you can create the kind of person you want, but rather because you see what kind of person Jesus is making. When Michelangelo was asked how he carved his magnificent David, his reply is reputed to have been, 'I looked inside the marble and just took away the bits that weren't David' " Knowing that you and your spouse can become more can motivate you to see that your marriage is worth the investment, no matter how much it will cost you.

The Grass Is Greener Where It's Watered

Sometimes when a marriage is on the rocks, spouses start to search outside their marriages to see what may be out there. They're under the belief that since it's not working out with their spouses, someone else may be able to fill the void their spouse is failing to fill. I could go extensively into this because there are so many factors that people ignore when a marriage goes south. Those factors include getting married for the wrong reasons, relying on your spouse to fulfill all your desires, underestimating the challenges of marriage, believe marriage is just about your spouse satisfying you, etc. These things could make up an entirely separate post but I'll keep it brief.

When a marriage is shaken, there's a great temptation to believe that the grass is greener on the other side. But the reality is that the grass is greener where it's watered. Why is your marriage as a dry as the Sahara? Because you're keeping a lid on your water bottle. Why are there brown and yellow patches between you and your spouse? Because you aren't tending to your lawn. Why are things getting out of control? Because you haven't mowed the yard in months. Any good gardener knows that tending to the lawn is what is essential to keeping the lawn healthy. If you ignore it, it will die. If you disregard it, it will wither away. Just like your marriage, if you choose to turn a blind eye to the obvious problems, then nothing will be resolved. You can't be sure that the grass is greener on the other side. But you can be sure the grass will grow if you water it. It will become healthy if you tend to it. It will level itself out if you mow it when it's supposed to be.

I know someone who has recently faced some marital troubles but I asked her what were some factors that began to drive the marriage in the right direction. And here was her reply:
"He is a loving father and husband. I just knew I needed to make it work and I had to start looking for the good things and stop focusing on the bad. After hearing some of the things my friends are going through in their marriage, mine didn't seem so bad. He loves and respects me and these days I think people take that for granted. He would die for me and don't doubt that for a minute. He has proven to be a great partner in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. We made vows, the least we can do is keep them. And if you can do that, everything will work out. And patience is key!!"

Here we see someone who took time to see that her marriage was worth the effort. Keeping the vows means working on them and being patient while doing so. She began to see what is great about her husband rather than his faults. She also realized that the grass isn't always greener because of the struggling marriages she's seen her friends go through. It might take some time for you to get your marriage looking greener again but it won't change for the better unless your willing to make it better.

The "Better Someone" Is Your Spouse

I've heard someone once say that they have been married to ten different people in their lifetime, but they all were the same person. The man I was five years ago when I first got married is not the same person I am today. Like a sword that's been softened by heat, marriage has hammered me slowly into a beautiful sword. When my wife challenges me or questions me, it's an opportunity for me to listen, learn and grow. In those challenging moments I have the choice to either resist or relinquish. I can either hold on to my pride and stay the same, or let it go and become the husband my wife needs me to be.

If you believe that someone better is "out there" I want you to consider that the better someone is "right there." Just like a wonderful block of marble, your spouse has the potential to be everything they can be. Just like renovating a house, the outcome is worth the investment. It just takes some time, energy, effort, tears, and communication. You will never get anywhere in a marriage if you retreat to your own camps and launch grenades. Communication is an essential part to strengthening your marriage, humility is a close second. You can talk until you're both blue in the face, but unless there is compromise, until there is sacrifice, then no progress will be made. If you are unwilling to relinquish control then your tight grip will strangle the life out of what's left in your marriage. But humility opens the airways to breathe life into it.

In closing let me say that marriage is beautiful but it's hard. Yet the outcome will be worth the hardship; not only as a married couple but also as individuals. Your character, your outlook on life, the way you relate to others, it will all change if you let marriage challenge you. Although I'm only five years into marriage, I know that who I will be in twenty years will be the husband and man my wife and children need me to be. Only if I am willing to put in the effort and humility to do so. What a great gift I can give to my wife and children.

May Christ Be At The Center Of Your Marriages!

The Real Reason My Hair Is Purple...

So my hair is purple, or dark pink, or fusha...what ever...

Regardless, the color of my hair begs for a story. The only other time in my life that I dyed my hair was in high school when I "frosted" my hair. I'm not one to do much to my hair. Most of my life I've fought first my mother and now my wife when it comes to keeping it under control. So what gives? How did my hair end up the color that it did?

Most of you know that I lost a bet. At the beginning of October myself and Jaida posed a challenge to our middle school students. We wanted to equip our students to invite their friends to camp, something that we think is awesome. Not only did we want them to invite them, we told them we'd pay for their friend to go if they've never been there before. The bet was guys versus girls. I represented the guys (naturally) gender and Jaida represented the girls (naturally). We said that the losing gender representative would have to dye their hair. Jaida would have to dye it blue and I would have to dye it pink. After 3 weeks of invitations, the girls came out on top 6-3. Although my hair turned out more purple than pink, the true story lies in the hearts of our students.

Nine students went to Laurelville who had never been there before. The real reason why they were there and the real reason why my hair is the color it is....is because of the students who stepped up to invite their friends to something great. They could have left that offer on the table and played it safe but they didn't. Most middle schoolers are intimidated even to invite their friends to youth group, let alone a weekend camp. But not these students. They decided that Laurelville was something worth bringing their friends to. They believed the message of Jesus was something their friends should know. And because they put their necks out there to bring their friends, God worked through those opportunities. Two girls came to know Christ this past weekend, one of those two was a student that was invited by a  girl in our youth ministry. Did you catch that? Eternity shifted because a student simply chose to invite a friend in. Heaven rejoiced and angels sang because a middle schooler found it more valuable to stick her neck out there than play it safe. God has been so faithful in our church. Not only through the adults but also our students. It doesn't matter how old you are, when you step out in faith, God will move.

The one thing I learned from this is that no matter how young you are, you can make a difference. Some of the greatest advice I give is to not waste your life. Do something that matters. That's what these students did. I hope you can see that no matter your age, all it takes is faith in order to make an impact for Christ. If these kids can do something so big, you can too.

Spoken Heart - Confessions of a Youth Pastor

There's nothing I'd want to do more with my life than be a Youth Pastor. There are so many promising experiences that come with the calling. The joy of watching God change a kid's life. The amazing experience of seeing a teenager become a Christian. Watching students living out their faith. Now, the calling always comes with tough times as well but it's a calling in my life that I couldn't be any more certain about.

This experience has taught me so much, about youth ministry and about myself. I've learned so much from my 5+ active years serving youth. I recently completed my first year of being in ministry full time. Lately, I've become aware of some of the things that I am challenged with when it comes to this vocation. I have spent some time evaluating my faults, failures, and mistakes. This process has helped shape who I am as a person and as a Youth Pastor, and I want to share some of them with you tonight. Why share? Two reasons. First, I want people to know that even Youth Pastors fail and make mistakes. Second, I hope this "confession" speaks to people who are either currently in this vocation or considering it. I'm going to focus on just five (of my many) shortcomings that I've discovered about myself while in ministry.

So here we go...

Wanting To Be "Cool Enough"
One of the toughest things I've discovered when I started in ministry was finding the balance between leader and friend. For the longest time I wanted students to think I was "cool." I wanted them to think I was funny so that they would accept me. It was almost as if I was entering into the teenage realm of jostling for a spot with the popular kids. "They'll listen to me if I'm cool" I said to myself. It almost becomes embarrassing and awkward when you do things you normally don't, especially as an adult, just so that kids would like you. I found that balance was needed because both ends got me nowhere. They wouldn't respect me if I was too strict and they wouldn't respect me if I was too friendly. So finding the balance between the two has been helpful. Yes, I tried too hard at one point but it's been a learning experience that's shaped for the better who I am as a Pastor today.

Saying the Right Thing
It's so hard watching students going through rough times. Whether it's watching them lose their faith, slip into depression, or making poor choices; it's never easy. When I've found myself attempting to speak into students lives, I feel that I say too much. I can be so quick to dump advice on them rather than listening to them. They need someone to hear their hurt, not preach to them. Sometimes I wish working with students who are struggling could be cured by that one sentence that would make it alright. I hate watching students wrestling with their doubts, with their confidence, and with their decisions. I wish there was some magic line like "hocus pocus" that would take all of that away. But there isn't. Youth Ministry is not a quick fix, it's a long haul. I need to meet students with an ear to listen. I need to remember that it's going to take love, grace, mercy, patience, and the power of the Holy Spirit to work through these kids lives. I can't act like I'm the one who will heal them, only Jesus can do that. The more I learn that, the better God will use me to help students who are hurting.

Being In Their World
This one was brought to my attention yesterday, and I couldn't agree more with it. It's tough sometimes being in a Youth Pastor's world and getting the full experience of what kids go through every day. I'm not at the lunch tables, I'm not sitting in the classrooms, I'm not living in their broken homes. They are. There is an unfortunate disconnect at times between their real world and my world. So often students come into "my world" rather than me going into theirs. I miss a lot of what they're struggling with. I don't hear the kinds of things they have to encounter. Part of me wants to figure out how I can do that better. Although this is something that I wrestle with, I'm not completely unqualified. It wasn't too long ago since I was standing in their shoes. I remember what it was like to be a teenager. The roller coaster ride that it was and still is, but kids do battle things differently these days. I spend a lot of time with students so I get to pick their brains about what's going on but one day I'd love to be in the trenches with them.

Lost Without Me
This struggle of mine is purely based on pride. I've watched students come and go in our ministry. I've seen them at their highest point and at their lowest point. I've help them as much as I can but when they fall away completely, I feel they're helpless without me. Something in me says they won't get back on track without my wisdom and guidance. How foolish am I to think that God can't use someone else to speak to them? I must think too highly of myself if I feel people are hopeless a part from my counseling. The truth is, God doesn't need me at all. He doesn't need my arrogance and limitations. He doesn't need my words nor my personality. He doesn't even need the talents HE gave me to accomplish His will in the lives of students. God is not in a box. If He can save someones life through one song on the radio while they're listening in the car, then He can use anyone and anything (outside of me) to do His will. I'm glad that God is teaching me this because it helps me to trust and rely on Him more rather than on myself. He has invited me in to what He's already doing, I just need go along for the ride.

The Comparison Trap
The last confession I have to offer has been among the most enlightening of them all. In my last confession post, I wrote about how I struggled with acceptance. Through most of my life I compared myself to other people. The struggle carried itself over into my youth ministry position. I entered a time when a beloved youth ministry person was headed out. He was someone adored and loved by everyone. Sure, I wanted people to feel the same way about me, but I knew him well enough to know that it wasn't his goal in ministry. I had big shoes to fill so it became tough measuring up to the bar that was left behind. As I continued to struggle with this, I spoke with a fellow youth ministry partner about the comparison trap I fell into with them. They were so funny and wise, and I wanted to be like them. But they gave me advice that has been so freeing and liberating that I want to share it with you. They said "Joel, you'll never make a great (insert their name here) but you'll make a great Joel Friend." Through that line, I've learned to be myself. I've learned to find my own voice and do things my own way. I didn't have to worry about how people compared me with someone else because we're two totally different people. If you're someone in ministry struggling with this remember, you'll only ever make a great you.

I hope this post was helpful and insightful. At the end of the day I need to remember one thing: The point of me is to point to Him. My role is to encourage and guide students in their relationship with Christ. This job isn't about me, it's about Jesus. It's not about my work, but the work He's done for them. I can't set them free, only He can do that. One day I will be gone but Jesus will always be there. My heart is that students will cling to Jesus and not me. I want them to hear what Jesus has to say to them, not how good my talks are. I want them to know without a doubt who it is that created them and loved them enough to die for them. The more I understand this, the better Pastor I'll become and the more Jesus will be glorified.

Word Of The Week - Motivation

"...don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing..."
(Matthew 6:3)

“Once upon a time there was a king who ruled over everything in a land. One day there was a gardener who grew an enormous carrot. He took it to his king and said, “My lord, this is the greatest carrot I’ve ever grown or ever will grow; therefore, I want to present it to you as a token of my love and respect for you.” The king was touched and discerned the man’s heart, so as he turned to go, the king said, “Wait! You are clearly a good steward of the earth. I want to give a plot of land to you freely as a gift, so you can garden it all.” The gardener was amazed and delighted and went home rejoicing. But there was a nobleman at the king’s court who overheard all this, and he said, “My! If that is what you get for a carrot, what if you gave the king something better?” The next day the nobleman came before the king, and he was leading a handsome black stallion. He bowed low and said, “My lord, I breed horses, and this is the greatest horse I’ve ever bred or ever will; therefore, I want to present it to you as a token of my love and respect for you.” But the king discerned his heart and said, “Thank you,” and took the horse and simply dismissed him. The nobleman was perplexed, so the king said, “Let me explain. That gardener was giving me the carrot, but you were giving yourself the horse.”

Have you ever wondered why you do good things for other people? So often it's easy for us to look at the surface and know someones true intentions. We'd say that bad deeds are clearly selfish, and good deeds are virtuous and purely intended. But is it really that clear? Today I want to speak briefly on the condition of the heart that we all possess - self-centeredness. Not only on the condition itself but how to determine in our own hearts whether or not we're really serving people for themselves or if we're really serving ourselves. The story above is a great illustration into this idea that sometimes we do good things for purely selfish reasons. This idea isn't something new and people have learned over the years how to hide it better than others. 

The scripture quoted above comes from The Sermon on the Mount. Jesus is speaking to the crowd about how to serve others. He could have stopped it at "now just go and do good things for people," but He doesn't. Jesus' main concern was not so much about the deeds themselves, but the reason behind why someone is doing it. He uses the religious leaders of the day to help the crowd differentiate between right motives and wrong motives. He says "do not be like (the religious leaders) who makes\ themselves look good when they [give to the needy, pray, and fast] but do these things in secret so that God may know you are pure of heart" (Matthew 6:1-18, paraphrased). Christ is looking for the pure in heart, the pure in motive, not the self-centered do gooders to help others. 

You might be asking "so what if I do good things for selfish reasons, I'm not hurting anyone." Actually, yes you are. More than you know. Here's the problem about doing things for people with selfish reasons, without them knowing about it, you are putting them in your debt. "After everything I've done for you...." "All those times I bailed you out..." "When am I going to get a break..." "This is how you repay me..." Sound familiar? The dangerous thing about serving others and expecting repayment is that they'll never meet your standard. Whether you know it or not, when you give with a heart of self-centeredness, you will eventually crush the person you've put in your debt. Either you'll keep using (and abusing) this person to meet your end or you'll throw them out of your life for not meeting your expectation. You both end up being slaves. You think they're indebted to you, and they'll think you'll never be satisfied. Both ideas are dead ends. Both are destructive.

So what do you do if you realize this is you? Change your perspective.

When you give up serving others with a "debtful" heart, you end up freeing both them and you. You free them because you won't crush them under the guilt of your expectation, especially when they don't measure up. You free yourself because your joy comes not from what they can give you in return, but rather the person themselves. No longer will you worry about them repaying you, because it's about them, not you. You serve them for them, no other reason but to bring them joy and see them flourish. 

Jesus was no dummy. He knew the destructive nature of impure motivation. He knew the guilt it could bring when someone couldn't repay the other. He knew it was greater for us to do things for others because the greatest benefit would be for them. He knew this so well, that He did this exact same thing for us. When Jesus went to the cross, He gave up everything to provide the way for us to come back home. He left His throne, He left His glory, He left His community with the Father and the Holy Spirit. Jesus Christ threw everything aside. Why? What did He do it for? Was it for praise? No, because He already had that in the Trinity and in purer ways then we could give. Was it for followers? No, because He had legions of angels that worshipped Him. Was it for fame? No, His public execution proved He was not in it for the popularity. Why in the world would He do it? Why would He give up everything? 

For You.

His motivation is to bring you joy, peace, love, and eternal life. His love for you was so compelling that He went to His death to communicate that truth. He served you in ways that we can never repay, but He is the one who paid the cost. He became ugly so that He could make you beautiful. He took your unrighteousness so that He could clothe you in His righteousness. He took the death you deserved so that you could be given the life He deserves. Change your perspective. May your heart serve others to bring them joy, to build them up, and free them from guilt. Because this is what the Lord of the universe did for you.

Parenthood Diaries - Meet Noah John

As all of you know, Amber and I welcomed our son Noah John into the world last Thursday at 11am. He weighed 7 lbs, 6 oz at his birth. He is a joy to our hearts and we can't believe he is finally here after so many months. In this blog post, I want to talk to you about the story of when he was finally born, his name, and what Amber and I are looking forward to in this adventure of parenthood. I hope you enjoy this read as much as I enjoy sharing it with you.

The Story
It was going on 40 weeks and 5 days, Amber was well past due. She and I were both getting frustrated. We believed that induction was inevitable because she had zero dilation and she was already late. The closer we were to his due date, the more excited we got (naturally). So when we went past September 21st, we were more anxious for his arrival. We knew we had one doctor visit left, and secretly we were hoping they'd send Amber down early to be induce. Because generally, UPMC waits 10 days after the due date until they'd induce. But we were hoping for a generous offer that we would pounce on. When we spoke with the doctor, she was still pretty firm about waiting 10 days after the due date. She checked Amber and discovered that Noah John may not fit during deliver due to Amber's narrow pelvis. It seemed that as Wednesday continued on, the more interesting things became. An ultrasound showed that there was no amniotic fluid in Amber's uterus which could be dangerous for the baby during her contractions. After this discovery, the doctor sent us down to the hospital. In our initial visit to triage the doctor brought more gloomy news. All of the signs were pointing to a C-Section, which would probably occur on Friday. When Amber and I were set up in the labor and delivery room they started her on something called cervidil which is designed to soften the cervix so Amber could eventually be induced. The cervidil is supposed to take 12 hours to work and then she'd be given pitocin which would help jump start her labor. After all of this news, and after waiting so long to meet our son, Amber and I were pretty defeated.

But then something amazing happened...

After my baby update on Facebook that night, it was almost as if our situation was drenched in prayer. The best way I could describe it was like a flood of prayer stormed into this moment and made things possible that we didn't think were. After just five hours with the cervidil, Amber began feeling very strong contractions. The doctor did say that this medicine could bring on cramping but these were much stronger than cramping. From midnight to 245am, Amber fought this pain until a nurse came in only to believe that Amber might be in labor. Sure enough, the doctor checked Amber and she was one centimeter dilated! They started Amber on an epidural and she stayed awake the rest of the way. The doctor came back in at 630am and to her own shock, found Amber to be at eight centimeters dilated. Throughout all these contractions, Noah was completely safe and no stress was put upon him. God truly came through in prayer and I want to thank all of you who took the time to ask God to work through our situation, because He most certainly did.

Around 8am, Amber was at 10 centimeters but of course to prolong things, Amber's doctor had a scheduled C-Section at 9am so we needed to wait until she was finished in order for Amber to push. This actually worked to her advantage because it gave NJ time to "labor down," which helps him get into a better position for Amber to push. After all the concerns, Amber would be able to deliver him naturally. At 10:30am Amber began to push and at 11am Noah John was born. It was a beautiful moment. Amber and I were both crying, but the moment was soon over when the doctor had me cut the umbilical cord. Which by the way I dropped the scissors when they handed them to me, then the doctor prompted to me to "get in the game." They checked him out and cleaned him off. All the while I was looking at him. He finally opened his eyes and he saw me. It was a beautiful morning that Amber and I will never forget. God brought this little miracle into our world and we love him so much!

The Name
Truth be told, I've had my kids names picked out long before I was married. My daughters name was going to be Naomi (but Zac Northen stole her name) and my sons name was going to be Noah John. Amber and I went back and forth over names for while once we found out he was a he. She suggested more trendy names like Rylan, but I stood strong with Noah John. His middle name is John because my grandfather's name was John. It turns out that Amber's grandfathers name is John as well. So his middle name was a no brainer. Noah was just a name I liked so I rolled with it. We did run into a moment of panic when my sister brought to our attention the play on his name "Noah (Know A) Friend." We definitely didn't want to set him up to be made fun of. I actually Facebook messaged about four Noah Friend's to see if they faced any persecution growing up. Unfortunately, none of them responded (I wouldn't have either) so we had stick with his name by faith. My brother and I grew up with the last name Friend. We've found it to be more a blessing than anything. My brothers name is Justin so when he was younger, people thought he was saying he's "just a friend." He, just like me, rolled with it when people had fun with our name, and I'm certain that Noah John will to. Personally, I am going to call him by his first and middle name. There are plenty of Noah's out there so I wanted to be original with him. Also serving as a reminder of the strong tie of the name John in both families. From time to time I'd like to call him "NJ" as well. I never had a nickname so someone in this family will need one. Amber's not exactly on board with it publicly, but she will call him NJ from time to time. Noah John Friend is a strong name and we like it :)

The Adventure
Amber and I have been at this parenting thing for almost five days. The first couple days in the hospital were easy because we had nurses and a nursery. But after being home from two nights, reality has set in. There has been nothing easy about adjusting to his schedule. He has been awake from 9pm - 630am two nights in a row. Most of the time spent crying and screaming. It's tough stuff that breaks your heart when you are trying to help your son. But Amber and I know that tough times will come. We are aware of the sacrifices we'll have to make. We know the cost to replenish the diaper supply. We know we have to take turns holding him, so the other can get some rest. Parenting is hard but my guess is that it will be rewarding. When we start to see him smile, these long hours of frustration will melt away. When we begin to see him crawl, this tiredness will be an after thought. When we calls us "mom" and "dad", it will give us confidence that we have gotten this far and that we can keep going. This adventure is going to long, hard, draining, and worth every moment. I look forward to sharing our journey with you. I'm trying not to be "that guy" on Facebook who posts 10 pictures of his kid a day, but I can't make any promises :)

Here are some of our favorite pictures thus far of our son:

Do you remember...autumn growing up?

It's that time of year again. Time to bust out the long sleeves and long johns. Put on the hoodies and hats. Put away the shorts and the flip flops. It's time for fall!

This section on my blog usually highlights nostalgia and memories. But some might consider this topic not so nostalgic because you can still experience the things that come along with fall. That is true, but let me remind you that a lot of what we associate with autumn comes from what we've experienced in years past, particularly during our childhood and teenage years. There is an odd emotional attachment with fall. People tend to begin to reminisce this time of year, reflecting on the years past and reliving some of the traditions people grew up with. My objective in this post is to highlight the things that make autumn, autumn. I hope this post takes you back to days where you truly began to embrace this time of year with warm joy.

Colder Temperatures

There are a lot of things that tip us to the fact that fall is coming. One of those things is when the temperature drops about 20 degrees over night. The mornings aren't as warm. You find yourself running back inside to get a jacket. When you turn on the heat in your car for the first time in a while, your vents reek of the dust that's collected over summer. I know when I feel the cool crisp autumn air, I can remember specific things about this time of year. I remember going on walks at night with my friends. I remember getting excited about the MLB playoffs. I remember how cool it was to see your breath. There are strong memories, at least in my upbringing, of knowing when fall was approaching. Although it was time to pack up my summer clothes, I was looking forward to putting on my favorite hoodie. The cool breeze takes me back to my youth. To the years I still treasure in my heart.



Pumpkins 

Pumpkins are almost the very symbol of fall. They aren't something you see at any other time of the year. Going to the pumpkin patch has been a tradition for many families. Taking the time to pick out the right one. Sometimes dad got ambitious and picked out a monster pumpkin. Usually the kids picked out only ones they could carry. I remember when we got our pumpkins home and it was time to carve them. Carving pumpkins is a fun but disgusting activity. Sure, you get to make a cool design in a pumpkin but you do it at the cost of pulling out all of those pumpkin "guts." Now, if your family was anything like mine, we used to pick out the pumpkin seeds, wash them off and put them in the oven to bake. We'd throw some butter and salt on them before we put them in and when they'd come out, they'd be so delicious. Although pumpkin carving is a strong tradition in my family, among my friends, we had another tradition when it came to pumpkins. Now, I don't want to say I'm endorsing this, but my friends and I carried out some mischief in our teen years when we set out to smash pumpkins. Oddly, there was nothing more thrilling to a teenager (without a criminal record) than to take someones pumpkin off their porch, smash it on the street and run. Now kids, I've heard stories of people who have gotten in trouble for smashing pumpkins, so just learn from their mistakes. If I were you, keep pumpkins festive and just carve them.


Speciality Drinks

A change in seasons doesn't come without a little profit. There's nothing like a good cup of hot (or cold) apple cider or a pumpkin spice latte to kick off your fall season. Starbucks and farmers markets have made bank off of people as they slip into autumn mode. Most people don't leave the pumpkin patch without a good sized jar of apple cider. And the first cool morning of the season doesn't feel right without that warm PSL in your hand. Amber and I have made several trips to Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts just to appease our autumn cravings. These tastes inaugurate the start of fall and all the world feels right once they've flooded our tastebuds again.


Football

Although football season begins while it's still warm, the further into the season it goes, the colder it gets. Football at this time of year takes me back to when I was in high school. I still look back on those years with no regret. I remember playing pick up football with the boys after school almost every day. There was no question about when we would play, it was a matter of where and when. My friends and I played mostly at Frontier Park in Erie. Nothing like a group of teenage boys getting together and throwing each other around for a couple hours at a public park. I remember the laughter of watching my buddies getting tackled into dog poop and shoved into the creek (the back of the endzone was a drop off into the creek). I remember making up the craziest plays that never worked. I remember the nicknames that came out of those times together. And I remember going with the same guys, every friday night, to watch the Strong Vincent Colonels play. It was a time of my life that I wouldn't trade for anything.


Leaves

Leaves changing color has got to be the best part about fall. All of a sudden there's this burst of color that comes out of nowhere. Yellow, green, and red flood the landscape. Being at Geneva College in the fall is one of my favorite memories. There's a hillside behind the campus that is covered in trees that becomes a work of art by mid-October. No one asked for it, it just happens. Now, I know some of you home owners despise when leaves change color, because that means it won't be long until you have to rake them up. If it's any consolation, I'm the kid who thoroughly enjoyed jumping into that pile of leaves (it was a treasured memory of my childhood). In fact, my friends and I were bandits that sought to jump on the mountain of bagged leaves by the roadside. The "BOOM" sound it created was even more enticing. We would compete on who could make the loudest noise. But think of it this way, those of you who are parents, think about the sound of your children's voices asking you to jump into the leaves. The joy and the giggles. Precious moments we remember as the leaves change color and fall to the ground.


Halloween

Amber and I walked through Target today and we could not help but notice the shrine set up for Halloween. Mounds upon mounds of candy ready to be consumed. Costumes and skulls. Skeleton decorations and fake cob webs. Halloween is indeed on its way. Growing up, Halloween had its phases. There was the phase where you wanted to have the most candy. Then the phase over who had the coolest costume. Then it was the phase where you wanted to have the most candy AND the coolest costume. Then came the teenage years where you just wore your favorite NFL teams jersey and walked around with a pillow bag. Overall, Halloween is about the candy. Everyone aims to hit the house that hands out the big Snicker bars multiple times. Then there's the Bible tract house. The house that handed out candy corn (not in a bag). The house with Wax Coke Bottles. The house with black licorice. The house with raisins. And lastly, the house with the circus peanuts. If you got at least five Reese cups, your night would be a success. Remember when people were putting thumbtacks in Reese cups and handing them out to people at Halloween? Weird. Nonetheless, Halloween (but mainly getting candy) is a staple event during the fall season.


Thanksgiving

Now we've come to our last highlight of the autumn season: Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving serves almost the kickoff to the end of fall. The day after Thanksgiving so happens to be the biggest Christmas shopping day of the year. So people pretty much check out of fall and check into Christmas after Thanksgiving. But it's a great last hoora! This day is one of the days out of the entire year where people throw away all diets and carb counting. The reason is simply that the food at Thanksgiving is just too good to pass up. The turkey, the stuffing, the mashed potatoes, the pies. YUM. Not only do people throw diets to the wind but they try to eat as much as they possibly can. It's also a time where family gets together and catches up. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, brothers, sisters all come from wherever they are to be together. Some family gatherings may be better than others but it's almost a mandatory event for everyone to gather at. People tell stories, others laugh, and grandpa passes out on the couch watching football. There's nothing like family and there's no better time to kick off the season where people come together than Thanksgiving.

I hope you enjoyed this walk down memory lane. My prayer is that you embrace this time of year and hold it in your hearts. Some of the best memories of my life come out of this time of year. And with the  upcoming birth of my first child, it will definitely make it better. Thanks everyone for reading and have a wonderful autumn season!